"Rodent 1" was written after watching one of our old hairless rats hanging out on the sofa. Her name was Mina. I’ve posted many pictures of her in the past, and she was even featured in a couple of the videos for spoken word tracks I have posted on my YouTube account.
I’m not so sure if it is entirely about her, or if it’s actually about Daisy, myself, Mina and all the rest of us (at that time).
Things get tricky like that on occasion.
I know complete strangers who have shown more love for my May 31st marriage than some people in my own family.
My brain cannot quite process that.
It’s even worse still when some of these family members have told me personally how excited they are for the wedding.
It’s even worse still when I remember crossing leaps and bounds to come to their weddings.
It’s all reminding me of how life is an independent thing. I put so much stock in others and spend less time putting value in my own stock.
There is a hell and it’s not as warm or as cold as you could imagine it.
Insert rainbows and corndogs.
"Daffodils" was the beginning of a new writing session I began after doing the first Mixtape book with Justin. It was the "king" of a set of poems I wrote with Daisy while we were just lounging around for the summer. I’m 99.99999% sure me and her are the daffodils, though it’s one of those things that can never be said for certain.
She inspired a lot of the writing over the last few years. I’m only just now starting to feed myself off of what I do. But that is usually how it works, usually all the writing comes out because of someone else.
But I do a lot of self-feeding. I’ll feel a bit uneven if I don’t do that.
"Looking back…" was one of those sort of self-reflecting sort of things. I remember specifically writing it in response to a poem that Justin wrote that seemed to be in a similar styling. I think the core of it is me trying to understand all the traveling around I had done, what that had taught me, what it made me realize about other people and being dependent on others and so on.
In its own way, I think it digs deeper than I actually meant for it to, but either way, it stuck with me all this time and still feels like sense was made.
"Desolate orange" was a part of the Mixtape series I did with Justin David Koontz. The Mixtape books, which we will probably make another of some day, were very spontaneously put together. We would give each other very little time to create the poems. Something about it seemed better that way. "Desolate orange" was one of the ones that came out of the Volume II sessions. I’m 99.9% sure it’s about a clementine, though I would never be able to say for certain.
The flow of it is what sticks with me. The words I chose to use. All of it. It’s a very interesting package. Everybody likes interesting packages.
I was dating a girl named Touria in the early 2000s. We lived together north of the border (Canucks & Biscuits). We separated in late 2006 after almost four years together. It was the first time I was really in love. I had childhood sort-of crushes prior to that, but this was the first time something seemed real, or as if it was something that could’ve grown into something that was for life. Nobody bothered to tell me about youth though, and how chaotic the young bodies and hearts were.
At some point after moving back home, I slowly started getting over it. I slowly started feeling human again. It took a couple of years. Sometime around late 2007/early 2008 I wrote this poem.
Up until I wrote a different poem (which will be shared later in the week), it was absolutely my most proud moment. Something about it seemed very honest and natural, and it also seemed to sum up what my strengths were as a writer and so on.
On certain days, I’d probably still tell you that it was my favorite poem. It was one of the ones that made me realize I knew what I was doing.